Wil Wheaton has an ant farm and it’s super cool. You’re probably asking how ‘ant farm’ and ’super cool’ interact in the same sentence. Well, take a look at his post for today, i call the big one bitey (which is itself a funny riff on a Simpsons one-liner).
Need further proof? Seriously…check out his Flickr photos. Time to introduce the many splendors of our workaholic and very social insect cousins to my two girls.
When was the last time you uttered this phrase? I guess I’ve been semi-consciously tossing it around a lot lately as a preface for saying something candid. But what’s really behind asking if you can give someone the “truth?”
In the course of a conversation with a volunteer whom I greatly respect, I took a pause, launched into the titular phrase here, and started to give my thinking on a current situation involving some delicate issues. I was surprised when he stopped me and asked me to think about what I just said. “Huh?,” was my reply. He responded, “Why did you feel the need to ask me if you could be honest? Honest as opposed to what? A lie? A half-truth?” He was being somewhat facetious, but he was clearly helping me better understand how the casual use of language can shape the larger conversation.
So, why would we begin a conversation or preface a statement with the question, “Can I be honest with you?” Maybe it’s to soften a verbal blow that’s coming. Or perhaps its an acknowledgement that it’s hard to offer frank thoughts to the other individual. We all bring different assumptions about how an opinion might land for the person at the other end. Get curious about those assumptions and whether they are truly helpful in building a more meaningful relationship.
Coaching comes in all shapes and from surprising directions. And the best coaching comes from well-founded relationships that don’t necessarily come from a manager or originate within the organization. Being authentic and vulnerable and asking for help from customers, members, and vendors opens up a whole new world of possible learning.
Okay, while I dig deeper in Working Wounded, I just found another of Bob Rosner’s pieces called The Only Thing Worse Than Lawyers… that strongly resonated with me because a set of workplace issues that I’m currently involved in.
In particular, this is the part that spoke most clearly to me:
The adversarial system thrives because we allow it to thrive. We hire lawyers, we encourage them to go off on the “other side” and we look for opportunities to avoid real dialogue with the very people whom we’re struggling with. We have become an entire culture that looks to HR, our bosses and yes, the lawyers to be our “heavy,” to stand up for our rights. Is it any wonder then, why things have gone so horribly wrong?
These issues have actually been a rather long-standing problem for my organization. And here’s the problem: members and staff don’t get along well. Until I read Bob’s post, I hadn’t considered it an adversarial relationship, but that’s pretty much what it is. And it’s a relationship that is crippling what could be a very dynamic and successful association.
For those of you not involved in professional societies or trade associations, this problem might seem a bit foreign. I’ll try to quickly explain. In my association, we not only have to work closely with fellow employees, but volunteer members, as well. Since we are a small association, the staff relies on members to do some of the organization’s work. It is often a very different dynamic working with members than it is working with customers.
Tomorrow, I’m to be on a conference call with member-leaders and I’ve been dreading this call like nobody’s business. I have been anticipating something ugly because of this adversarial relationship. It will be like stepping into a maelstrom of long-brewing conflict and trying to find a different way out…not just for me but all the other participants. It will require me to be both engaged both inside (as a staff employee) and outside (as an objective observer) to the conflict. Scary as hell. It is perhaps the greatest challenge to my own sense of hope that I discussed in my previous entry (it might also seem somewhat contradictory, but then that’s the paradox of our own existence). When is organizational conflict too massive and intertwined in the overall culture for one or even a small group of people to effectively resolve? When is it time to just acknowledge that it’s time to move on to a different workplace where we have a better opportunity to create more soulful work?
I’m not sure why the need to share this story here. I’ve been trying to determine whether I should or not for weeks. My own hope is that it resonates with someone who is experiencing problems with interoffice or intraoffice conflict. If you’re feeling alone, you might wonder if it’s just you and that you’re possibly crazy (as in, this conflict actually doesn’t exist) or naive (as in, this conflict exists and it’s like this everywhere). Let’s see how this goes…
Bob Rosner at ABCNews’s Working Wounded quasi-blog has some thoughts on the question of How Can We Create a Better Work Place?
He quickly addresses topics like technology (he makes some very good points here), greed, and developing a “not-to-do list” before finishing with hope.
The biggest thing that we need at work today is hope. Yes, we need to believe that it is worth the time and trouble to create a better workplace. We spend far too much time at work to be so accepting of all work’s shortcomings. Let’s all rededicate ourselves to creating a work experience that justifies all those hours that we put in week after week.
I’ve come to find that hope is that one essential quality for helping us move toward our most desired dreams. It’s what helps us pick ourselves off the mat after taking a roundhouse to the chin. Hope is like a polaris helping us find our way toward a destination. Hope fuels a ferocious determination to not give in to the forceful, smirking ogres who go by names such as You-Can’t-Do-That, You’re-Not-Good-Enough, and Give-Up-Now-For-Resistance-Is-Futile.
So, here’s the challenge: Take a step back and reengage those inherent abilities we all have for awareness. Start to recognize the previously accepted shortcomings of our work. Connect how they violate our own dreams for what we want our work to be. Whenever the ogre called That’s-Just-How-It-Is-Here begins to peek around a corner, take a sword and go hunting. Be a peaceful warrior for our deepest desires of what we hope work can be.
I’m going through my feedreader (give Rojo a try) and catching up with some of my readings. One of the blogs I occassionally read is Susan Abbott’s Customer Experience Crossroads. I probably should read more than occassionally because she often has very insightful perspectives on how to help customers and members create their experience.
Last month, she wrote a post called Being Friendly to New Segments without Alienating the Old Segments and it got me thinking about a slightly different viewpoint. She had a recent experience in a mall music store where she didn’t feel welcome and proposed that the store become find ways to be more inclusive to more customer groups.
I seriously doubt that some mall retail stores like HMV or K-B Toys have a consistent vision for their customer experience. I’m basing this on my own experience of typically walking into a store to find merchandise that’s hard to locate – mostly because stuff is scattered around in what seem like the wrong places. But let’s say for a minute that Sam Goody does have such a vision and it includes loud music, cds scattered around, and not-exactly-low merchandise prices…and this works for their core customer. When does it make sense to change this in order to attract a different customer base?
Okay, I sort of set that up (by the way, I prefer to buy most of my music and dvds online), but let’s take a different example…one where there is a more coherent, successful vision for the customer experience. Perhaps the Apple Store where I bought my iPod; or Potbelly Sandwich Works where I just can’t get enough of their Italian sandwich; or The New Bohemian, a small funky shop where I bought a nifty t-shirt for my wife. Each of these places have a unique vibe that works for a certain type of person, but may not be for everyone. For sure, they could do something to attract their non-traditional customer bases, but at what price?
This is a long-winded way to get to this point: It might seem tempting to move into new customer bases, but we should do it with extreme caution. I agree with Susan that bringing in a new customer group without alienating the core customer is possible. Yet, without the proper planning and careful attention to the nuances of what makes for your own customer loyalty, the strategy can kick you in the teeth. It’s far better to know what you are and stay true to that.
Dave Gray at Communication Nation is conducting an experiment in facilitating an asynchonous conversation with Maish R. Nichani who writes the elearningpost blog. I’ve seen just a couple of attempts at creating an open, evolving dialogue like this on other blogs so it will be interesting to see what happens.
What’s particularly interesting are some of the initial comments from Maish about our learned lack of comfort with being uncomfortable. As someone with children just entering the U.S. educational system, his thoughts run parallel to my own – we either need to worrk to change the system (which is an uphill battle and frought with much despair) or change the way we help our kids (which is something specific that all parents have the power to do). Here’s Maish’s thoughts:
It’s one thing to be out of touch, it’s totally another to do something about it. In this day and age, success, I think, comes to those who are comfortable being uncomfortable or those who deliberately practice being uncomfortable. But many of us shy way from being out of touch. A few days ago I had a chat with a friend who runs creativity courses here and he signaled out the education system as the reason for this passive shyness. Right from the start we are told to draw on the lines and color inside the boxes and this conformity mindset has molded us into being passive receivers. But thanks to the Internet, there is hope.
So, let’s encourage our kids to draw outside the lines, wear clothes that don’t match, make messes, make mistakes, think really big things. Build their confidence to be active generators rather than mere passive receivers. And continue to listen and encourage them when an old, industrial-era teacher comes along to squash these better qualities. Because it will happen at some point either as a kid or as an adult. Creativity is an act of open disobedience against the norms. Creativity is an act of courage
Well, for me at least. I’ve been stopped cold in my tracks today by two deeply probing questions offered by Dick Richards at Come Gather Round:
I need to reflect on the first question because I’m wandering now and not in the good kind of way. After a recent foray in the world of self-employment (and later unemployment), I am most thankful to have stable work that pays…but true to my self and my beliefs that is simply not enough. I’m seeking to rediscover my own soulful work because I am not sure that I’m doing it right now.
Which leads to the issues surrounding the second question. I might even reframe it: Do I really like who I am when I do my current work? I have a feeling that the answer may be hard to confront. But I know that my heart is telling me that its time to reconnect with it; it’s been patiently calling me for some time.
Which reminds me…I need to make sure that I read Dick’s book, Is Your Genius at Work?, very soon.
I have great and constantly growing respect for the work of David St Lawrence who writes at Ripples: Post-Corporate Adventures. His writing about our modern workplace is frank and often not pretty. It reminds me of the times I go for hikes and discover a beautiful stone only to pick it up and see all the worms and bugs crawling around beneath it. I’ll admit that there are times when I enter into a state of denial and think his experiences and outlook can’t possibly be accurate…I mean, are workplaces really that bad? The answer, like most everything else in life, is complex: yes and no with plenty of shades of gray between.
David’s recent post, If you are employed, I am writing from your future…, is an uncompromising reminder that each of us who are employed by a company or non-profit must take care of our own career. That even goes for us twenty- and thirtysomethings. I like this particular quote from David:
Once you take charge of your life and stop expecting someone else to look after you or tell you what to do and when, you may just find that you are enjoying life again and are looking forward to the future instead of dreading it.
Regardless of whether we’re ready to take on our own “post-corporate adventure,” this is sage advice for us to consider. It’s a message of hope for today as well as tomorrow. Each morning that we’re blessed to open our eyes to a new day has the possibility of adding to our knowledge and wisdom. Even on those days when it seems like it would be easier to just hit the snooze and sleep, the ideal of soulful work prods us to peer through the apparent drudgery to the greater meaning. Maybe that meaning is connecting the drudgery to something bigger like building the necessary street cred to start our own business. That’s for each of us to define.
And if we wake to discover that we’re in a soul-numbing job within a soulless organization and the drudgery is unbearable…well no one gets to play the victim here. Taking charge of our work and our life means taking risks, for sure. It also means we get to take on a richer, more human existence.
I came across this article from the UK-based Guardian Newspaper online. Turns out I might not be as well-read as I thought.
Museum, Libraries and Archives Council (MLA) in Britain asked librarians around the country, “Which book should every adult read before they die?” At the top of the list was To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee, followed by the Bible and then The Lord of the Rings trilogy by J. R. R. Tolkien.
Here’s others – both classics and contemporary fiction – that made the list:
Arnie Herz at Legal Sanity recently wrote a post referencing some familiar advice for crafting an effective elevator speech. The latest conventional wisdom would have us believe that the best elevator pitch is not about us, but about the other individual. The principal strategy is to set our needs to the side and focus exclusively on the needs of the potential customer, member, or client. After all, the reason we’re in business to service them, isn’t it?
Well, yes and no. Arnie writes that this strategy misses a greater point:
Business relationships are as much about valuing and evincing our selves as they are about reaching and helping others. Both aspects (self and other) need to be expressed and honored to foster lasting connections for business success and satisfaction.
There seems to be this tacit understanding that relationships in business are different from those elsewhere in life. Perhaps it’s okay to screw over a vendor in your business, but it’s clearly not acceptable to do the same to a friend. Or maybe it’s fine to do everything to make a member happy but necessary to put conditions on making our spouses equally happy. It’s as if we are two individuals merely sharing the same skin, which might explain why we’re so damned unhappy at times.
Like Arnie, I believe there’s a different way…one that accepts that our core values define our relationships regardless if they are business or personal. There is no need for this artificial schism. What if, instead of making the elevator pitch primarily (or solely) about the other person or even selfishly about ourselves, we use the AND proposition and make it about us. The pitch then becomes one for a mutually respectful relationship where the needs of both sides have equal importance.
Not realistic? Think a customer or member is too self-interested, focused too much on what they gain? Maybe, but then, that’s the message they’ve been trained well to absorb. This is an invitation to propose a new type of relationship, one that addresses the client’s needs, but also honors our own goals, dreams, and possibilities. There’s no way to do any of this when the relationship becomes imbalanced and the customer’s needs are always put first. Actually, that’s not a relationship…it’s servitude.
And we have a choice.
I help business leaders and their organizations improve how they relate to their customers, employees, and other critical stakeholders. It’s born out of my belief that individuals crave meaningful relationships and want to be involved with companies that connect with them personally. I’m devoted to helping organizations discover the unique qualities that make them remarkable.
I’m currently a Master’s student at the University of North Texas studying business anthropology.
