This post will be short (since it’s near my bedtime and I need to get up early to run), but wanted to let everyone know that I’m still here and writing…

I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to the quality of tough-minded optimism and how difficult it can be to hold on to it. And then yesterday, my oldest daughter Leah gave me a reason to reflect on how simple it can be. The new school year started this week in areas of Northern Virginia and it was her first day of first grade. She was so excited on Sunday she couldn’t sleep…great when you kid actually can’t wait for school to start. All was going well on this first day until a teacher reprimanded her for getting out of line (though her Mom and I aren’t sure if the teacher was half-joking or not). However, the real point was that Leah found it insulting, but did the most mature thing. She said quietly to herself, "That’s okay, I’m not going to let it ruin my great day." And she didn’t.

It’s amazing for me to notice how quickly one little setback can automatically start the downward spiral of thinking that the day is now somehow completely ruined. I used to feel this way (particularly when I was six). Now, I’ve come to understand that life’s little annoyances can be quite humorous, rather than devilish jabs at my psyche. They can certainly provide comic fodder for the folks around the watercooler.

I’ve always believed that one of the key roles of a leader is to tend to the "heart and soul" of his or her staff. I’ve been told by some folks that this is just a form of cheerleading. And let me tell you, nothing could be further from the truth (or honestly piss me off more). And here’s why: keeping your staff focused on the greater, grander picture is not shallow, empty cheerleading. Let’s explore the difference.

This fella over here is a cheerleader. His job is to ensure that everyone stays happy and excited even when the team is getting their brains beat in by the opponent. Imagine what happens after the game when you’ve gotten trounced and here’s this upbeat guy saying in his overly positive and perky cheer, "It’s okay! There’s always tomorrow! Yea team!" He’s the one who gets picked up and dumped head-first in the nearest trash bin. So leaders, why do we continue to think that it’s necessary to be a cheerleader in the workplace?

Here’s another model: possibilityleader. Consider this quote from Benjamin Zander:

There’s a huge
difference between possibility and positive thinking. Positive thinking
actually is a downward spiral. Because in positive thinking you’re
trying to pretend that everything’s positive. And you don’t want to
look at what’s negative. That’s a downward spiral.

The beauty of
possibility is it contains everything. All of life, death, sorrow,
illness, everything that happens is contained in that. And then the
question is now what? That’s the question.

Our people don’t want a lot of empty rah-rah. They want a leader who isn’t afraid to speak truths and ask questions even when they are uncomfortable. They want a leader who is as comfortable in sharing disappointments as they are in sharing celebrations.

The next time you have an urge to gather up the pom-poms and megaphone, consider an alternative. Instead of giving a vague "way to go team," offer something more specific, like "I have seen us being really successful at [fill
in the blank] lately." Instead of ignoring problems and cheering that the team is "doing great," acknowledge the challenges for what they are and remind everyone of your vision or your staff’s shared vision (which is even better).

Instead of going for shallow, go for authentic. Your staff will rally and be ready for the next game.

When it comes to creating a passionate custo/member experience, there will always be some who just don’t get it or don’t want it. From one perspective or another, they can be considered to be abusive. What’s one to do with these folks? I would suggest that they be given the boot. Not literally, but when it comes to devoting time, money, and spirit to building a faithful and enthusiastic custo/member base these folks need not enter into the equation. What types of folks should we be on the look out for? From a consultant perspective, Christopher Hawkins points out 11 types of clients to fire. Most of these sound familiar to those of us in association membership and equally familiar to those who perform any time of customer service work. Taking a cue from Christopher’s 11 types, here’s a related view of the kind of folks who need to get far less of our attention (or none at all):The Disillusioned. This is an individual who constantly expresses disappointment despite the fact that the product or service is of good quality and delivers on what was promised. Complaining is one thing, but this custo/member constantly looks for problems and only rarely offers appreciation. This is the person that sucks the joy from work and needs to be jettisoned as quickly as possible.

The Suspicious. This is an individual who doesn’t trust you or the organization. Yes, sometimes an association or business breaks it’s promise and deserves the accompanying suspicion from its custo/members. However, this type of person is something different: the Suspicious doesn’t trust your knowledge or expertise. Since our work is “so easy,” they assume they could do far better.

The Chiseler. Always a favorite of mine, this is the individual who is constantly on the lookout for a discount or a way to chip away at the price of membership or a service. Yes, it could be that the association or business is not marketing value well enough. However, we all have experienced the person who just won’t pay full price for anything. When it comes time to figure out what a custo/member is worth, this type of individual creates far more work than what they offer in return.

The Flake. Otherwise known as the Unaccountable, this custo/member is believes only side should be held to responsibility. More often than not, you’ll find volunteers and vendors who fit this mold. They’ll backtrack out of a commitment they made, but keep you forever accountable for your own commitments.

The Bully. I left the best for last. The bully seems to forget some of the basic tenents of humanity like “were all human.” That it’s okay to be abusive. That getting your way is the only way. If you come across a bully, quickly refund any money and politely let them know that you and your association or business can live without them. Trust me, you can.

If we apply a form of the Pareto Principle here, you can get caught up in working with this 20% (including the other nonvaluable) of your custo/members 80% of the time. Better to give them the boot and concentrate on the faithful, the passionate ones; those who genuinely love what you are doing and can’t wait to tell others about it. This is where the juice really is.

Over lunch last week, a friend of mine in the association community told me a story that I think speaks volumes about effective management. As I return to association work, I’m reminded that for every similarity to the for-profit world, there are probably two or three differences. One great difference is the interaction between employees and volunteers. There is a vital relationship that exists between staff and volunteer leaders who work on committees, task forces, and the Board of Directors.

One issue that’s terrific material for an upcoming post is fostering change in a volunteer network. Most resources on implementing change assume that it’s change from within an organization; but what happens when it’s necessary to create change in an interconnected network outside the core organization? The dynamics for transformation in an association can be very different.

But back to my friend’s story. Seems she is working for an association that currently has a Board of Directors that can be characterized as "activist." Just as there are a variety of organizational structures and dynamics, the same variety exists when it comes to how Boards interact with the doings of the association. Some Boards are content to deal with the higher levels of organizational strategy toward furthering the association’s mission.

On the other hand (and to the other extreme), my friend’s  Board is much more interested in guiding the day-to-day work of the staff. The Board consists of around a dozen different people with different personalities and work styles. As I mentioned before, sometimes it’s important that a Board Member get involved in a project. Yet my friend has found that there are a few "activists" on the Board who also want to move the project in a particular direction. Guess how effective this is.

I started to think that regardless of whether it’s a Board or a manager, there are three different styles that we could consider when it comes to the interaction between managing and getting the work done:

1. Hands-Off
2. Hands-In
3. Hands-On

Hands-Off Management isn’t as advantageous as it may sound. I’ve experienced the hands-off style of certain managers who thought they were doing me a favor by giving me lots of elbow room. Great, but with that leeway came a corresponding lack of direction. When a major decision had to be made, they went into stealth mode…only to come out of it when I made a "bad" decision. Laizzez faire might be good for market economics, but sucks when it comes to management.

If Hands-Off Management is bad, Hands-In Management is a couple of steps closer to workplace hell. Popularly thought of as micromanagement, it resides at the other end of the spectrum. The hands-in style erodes trust and kills creativity. It gets particularly rotten when you make a decision only to have a hands-in manager (or Board Member) come along and reverse the decision.

Hands-On Management lives in the middle of these two styles. A hands-on manager knows when to be involved in decisions and the work of their staff and when to give them space. It takes confidence in yourself and faith in your people. But then, it’s kind of hard to be a leader without these two things. From an employee perspective (or at least from one who wants to free to learn, be creative, and mess up on occasions), we want managers and Boards who consistently apply this style.

I sort of feel like I’m only scratching the surface here, but this post has gone on long enough. Or maybe it’s just that I need to get to work. Time to apply my own hands-on style to today’s challenges.

Lisa Haneberg is asking for input on coaching for an upcoming book and while I was completing the survey, it got me thinking that I haven’t really written too much lately on the status of my own coaching practice. I mean, my practice was the main reason I started this blog almost a year ago.

You’ll notice that the ImaginActive logo that used to hang out on the left hand side is no longer there. The practice website has been taken down and I’ve disconnected the business phone line. It all is simply too expensive to maintain right now.

Yet, I’m not sure if ImaginActive Coaching Resources is truly dead; perhaps this is the time to get it kickstarted again. As I was answering some of Lisa’s questions, I remembered why I started the practice in the first place. I love coaching because it is a powerful tool for learning. For me, the personal sense of fulfillment and honor in being a participant in another individual’s transformative growth is, in itself, a huge reward.

Maybe there is a place for ImaginActive in my life right now. In addition to the internal workplace coaching I do in my current organization, I’m also thinking about how I can apply coaching principles in helping companies build better customer experiences. If you’re thinking that sounds like I’m working on another consulting angle, you could be right. Seems that once you get bit by the entrepreneurial bug, it kind of sticks with you.

I’ll just test the waters…if you are interested in:
1. coaching on livelihood integration (fully bringing together work, life, and all the other stuff).
2. building more dynamic customer experiences
send me an email or skype me. No obligations at this point, we can just see if there are potential relationships we can develop.

I’ve been waiting for my blog to pop up on BlogMaps, a new way to find blogs through Blogwise. I’m happy to see that it’s finally there.

I really love all the cool stuff that’s coming out through Google Map’s open API.

Is that too much to ask? This evening, I went to the grocery store to pick up some dinner, beer, and ice cream (any guesses as to what brand and variety? a clue can be found here). The reason I chose the ice cream was because I had a coupon. After showing her the coupon as I approached her, I laid it on the little check writing counter in front of  the cashier. However, she was in such a hurry to get me through the line, she didn’t bother to notice the coupon. When she finally finished my checkout, I asked if she had scanned the coupon. Her reply: "No, it’s too late." Okay, she did try to get the manager to come over and credit the $1.00 back to my debit card, but it hardly seemed worth the trouble.

So, what’s going on? Am I making too much out of something really small? Am I just tired after dealing with some very cranky members today? Maybe. Yet, why is it so difficult for all of us who are in the service industry to just offer a simple, honest apology? Lest you think it’s just folks who work in fast-food (I can’t remember the last time I had an apology or even a thank you there), grocery stores, and similar places, I’ve had my fair share of experiences with high-end retail lately, as well. Perhaps you have, too.

Here’s the kicker: I need to call a member back tomorrow and apologize to her. Do I want to? Not really, but this is a case where I messed up. I was right on with the facts of the conflict, but simply forgot to separate the person from the issue. In the end, I was wrong and I need to admit to it. So, even though I can’t get an apology from my local grocery cashier, at least I can offer one to my member.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m reading the fantastic How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work : Seven Languages for Transformation by Robert Kegan & Lisa Laskow Lahey. It’s one of those books that make my long daily Metro commute a pleasure.

While I plan to devote some blog space to individual chapters in the next couple of weeks, something in the final pages caught my imagination that I just need to share. Kegan and Lahey end their work by focusing on that dreaded aspect of office life – the staff meeting. However, rather than dreading it (or worse, contemptuously calling it a time-waster), they advocate for something more spectacular. Take this in and savor it:

Of course, a meeting must deal with the pressing business at hand, no doubt about it. But a meeting actually is also an occasion of special opportunity. Here we all are together. Usually we are spread out, each engaged in his or her piece of the operation; but for this brief period here we are, all together…A gathering of the whole is an opportunity not merely to handle the momentary business of the day, but to re-mind (and re-spirit) ourselves as to what is most important to us collectively, what we care most about, what we stand for or are up to in the bigger sense. Not having at least a small portion of every meeting given over to this regenerative purpose is a terrible squandering of a leadership opportunity.

How many of our meetings are boring rehashes of the previous week, a rote presentation of activities, a gripe session about customers, vendors, you name it? Sometimes meetings are conducted like sprints (ever been to a meeting where everyone stands…the whole point is to keep it brief). Why? The authors point to an increasingly lost art of hospitality that goes beyond a warm smile, but a conscious effort to direct a group’s collective attention to a purpose or person we care deeply about. It reminds me of one of Rosa’s management values, ho’okipa, where there is "complete generosity and those who aspire to the best practice of this value are highly empathetic, and very perceptive in anticipating the needs of others."

As leaders, what if we start practicing ho’okipa in our offices? What if we used our meetings as powerful opportunities to actually create a meaningful shared space filled with a common experience? Where might we be able to take our organizations?

This was a great Monday. I have to admit that I’ve struggled with my Mondays for the past few weeks. Maybe it’s just a part of returning to office life after my nine-month "work from home" self-employment experiment. Maybe it’ll pass with time. Or maybe its just one of those personality quirks of mine; sometimes it takes a little while for me to find my groove. Whatever it is, I’ve found it challenging to reorient myself back into the office and my work after a weekend.

Today was quite different and I believe it has a lot to do with my weekend. I went back to my hometown in West Virginia to celebrate my cousin’s wedding. As I mature and mellow in my early 30s, I’m coming to appreciate my kin more and it was interesting to see this young man (who used to be just a kid who wanted me to watch him play baseball) take a big step in his life.

Perhaps the best part of all is that I am now related through this marriage to a dear childhood friend. Our friendship goes all the way back to first grade. Sadly, we lost complete touch after high school and this was the first time I had seen him in over ten years. Not so sadly was the fact that we picked up almost right where we left off. We watched our kids play together on the reception dance floor, traded stories of career changes, even got our wives talking together like they were old pals. The whole experience was a true joy that I just carried along with me today.

Now comes for the part where I acknowledge that my friendships are critically important to me and that I’ve done a rather poor job in keeping in touch. I’m probably not alone there. But I just don’t want to say that I’ll stay in better communication with the dear people in my life, I want to act on it. This takes an honest commitment so here’s mine: I will call (not email) each of my dear friends at least once every three months. Of course, I’ll find that I’ll have some competing commitments (probably involving time) that I’ll have to work through.

It all comes down to the ideal of an Integrated Livelihood: bringing the important roles of our lives (including work) into a holistic understanding. Getting off the see-saw of the work/life balance conundrum means figuring out what’s important and incorporating these aspects into a whole life. My friendships have been missing from my integrated livelihood; I’m resolving to bring them in.

This coming weekend, I’m off to another wedding. This time it’s for one of my dearest friends in Tennessee. If today is any indication, next Monday will be another terrific day.

Our experience is not what happens to us, but what we make of what happens to us.
–Aldous Huxley

I have this written on the large whiteboard that hangs directly in front of my desk at work. It is an honest reminder that the experience of the individual custo/member is not within our control. Our custo/members have the ability to transform any experience to their own liking (or disliking). Whether the experience is perceived as positive or negative hinges on some very personal criteria, which are often not easily understood.

What I can do is cultivate the opportunities for the right kind of experience. I can help create the space for a member to experience what they want – better yet, what they need – even if it’s not what I originally intended. That’s where the real power lies anyway.