That title’s a mouthful for sure. It comes from an experience my wife had last night as a restaurant server. Before she could even get into her chef’s jacket, her manager asked to see her in his office. This is so rarely a good sign. It turns out he received an email from a patron who wrote that the food was wonderful, the service was lousy. Without going to deep into it, I can honestly say that she is very good at her work. This isn’t just a proud husband’s partial opinion, but has been confirmed by customers, co-workers, and even her manager. So, here’s a very good server who made a mistake and had a bad night. The greater misfortune was that the manager compounded a small problem (as well as ignored a coaching opportunity) and made things worse.

In my first really professional job, I arrived at the office before my boss one morning. Took off my coat, sat down to my desk, and was just about ready to dig into the day’s work when she came in the door and made a beeline straight for my office. One look at her coming and I knew something was wrong. Another look and I realized what was wrong was ME. What ensued was a 10 minute tirade that I’m sure was meticulously planned overnight. I had failed to do something that I promised to do before leaving the day before. I’ll admit it was partly by accident, but I also figured that it wasn’t that big of a deal if I did it first thing the next morning. Okay, that was incorrect and there was a lesson there for me. Unfortunately, the ambush that occurred did very little for my learning. And you can imagine my productivity level for the remainder of the day.

While Carrie didn’t have to endure the ambush, she was presented with a negative comment on her performance at the beginning of her shift. The point of the conversation was for her to explain what happened. Once Carrie told her manager about the table, his response was for her to come directly to him when problems arose.  Interestingly enough, she had no idea at the time that these patrons were having a poor experience. Visibly upset, he told her that they were finished and for her to go on and prepare for her shift (In order to be fair and balanced, Carrie’s manager is not an ogre; despite some of his leadership faults, he is good and decent at what he does; running a restaurant is probably one of the most challenging management roles around).

Is there a good time to conduct a learning dialogue? When I had to hold these types of meetings with employees, I always waited until it was around the end of the day and never on a Monday or Friday. If you do choose to have a morning meeting with an employee to coach or counsel on performance issues, consider whether you are setting them up for a tough workday. For instance, after Carrie’s meeting, she discovered that she had to work the toughest part of the restaurant – the bar. Her confidence was already low, this practically set her up to fail. And by her own admission, throughout the night she made silly mistakes that she hadn’t made in months.

…And a final word to customers. Through my wife, I’ve developed an even greater sense of empathy for service workers, particularly those who make their living in restaurants. Be a good customer. If you are experiencing poor service, SAY IT WHILE YOU ARE THERE. Give the restaurant (or whatever company) the chance to try to make things right. Help them learn.